Alien: Romulus

A passable genre best-of remix that lacks the factor of being significantly memorable, which was a feature of the worst films in the franchise. FedEx delivered a commemorative aesthetic parcel wrapped up in the skilfulness that one would expect from it after Don’t Breathe. However, it’s impossible to shake off the impression that all of the really distinctive moments merely comprise a derivative of the better instalments in the Alien franchise. (23/08/2024)

A pop horror flick that appeals to Generation Z and won't offend the oldies. On the positive side, I'll take the superb and highly talented Cailee Spaeny and the fantastic last half hour, and on the negative side, the simple fact that the other teens are all interchangeable, I didn't find my way to them at all and didn't care if the monster made a sandwich out of them. Yes, it's nice to look at, it has the hallmark of the 70s technique Ridley Scott established in his masterpiece, the atmosphere is nicely depressing and claustrophobic, but for the first two-thirds the film painfully lacks in any kind of tension, because apart from Cailee I - as I've already written - hadn't built up any rapport with the characters and consequently didn't experience the threat of the facehuggers as such at all. Fortunately, there are enough references and allusions to previous episodes, and as a connoisseur I appreciate how "disjointed" it is in that respect: the first third is slowburn old Alien, the second the warlike Aliens, and the last one is a return to the first one, with Fede Álvarez literally quoting it. So yeah, I actually had a decent time, and since Álvarez unloaded a few scenes I hadn’t seen in this genre before, I give the film four spits of acid. (19/08/2024)

It is necessary to make full use of resources obtained at great cost, even if the result is only some kind of bastardised mutant. This is true for Weyland-Yutani and its real-life equivalent, The Walt Disney Company. The most surprising aspect of Alien: Romulus is its anti-originality. This time around, the Disneyfication of the franchise doesn’t have the feel of a refresh with new characters (as was the case with Star Wars: The Force Awakens), nor does it work as cultish fan-service along the lines of the serial clones from Marvel. Fede Alvarez and Rodo Sayagues wilfully turned out a CGI remix of the Alien franchise’s greatest hits, which lends itself to a game of bingo on the theme of “which cult scene, popular one-liner or iconic shot from the preceding films will be paraphrased in the next scene”. The charm (and uniqueness) of the original Alien tetralogy consists in the fact that it comprises diametrically different and stylishly and supremely distinctive films (I won’t even say anything bad about the fantastically crackpot fourth one. Alien: Romulus is only a derivative, or rather the film equivalent of an Alien-themed ride at Disneyworld – we passively pass by a series of well-known scenes that are impressively yet lifelessly rendered and something occasionally amuses or scares us, but we walk away completely unmoved at the end. Though Prometheus was silly nonsense and elicited exasperation and hatred, it is still better than this precisely crafted definition of the term “content” from the vocabulary of media corporations. (15/08/2024)

I have another piece for my collection of Andy's slow-circuit films. You know what they should call the stepbrother Rain? Rain Man. The concept feels schizophrenic, just like an android whose control chip keeps switching back and forth. Set between the first and second installments, Fede Alvarez wanted to cover everything up to Covenant, but at the same time, he didn’t want to suppress his own talent. The result? A generic installment that just tortures the franchise further. Similarly, Benjamin Wallfisch's music, which borrows from Goldsmith and Horner, suddenly slams in something akin to a romantic ballad. Everything clashes horribly, and I don’t just mean the new Vasquez with an endless magazine, but rather the attempt to please everyone, including the corporate producers. This is partly explained by the fact that while the average age of the crew on the Nostromo was 39.7 years, here it’s 24.4. A junior with a PC game face and a body drenched in 33% cream, naturally, doesn’t fit into the statistics. (21/08/2024)

After the excellent trailers, it wasn't hard to become excited for Alien: Romulus, but there was still a little red light in my head. It subtly reminded me that behind the camera was Fede Álvarez, a man who certainly has a lot of talent, but not for the horror genre. I suffered through his Evil Dead, and Don’t Breathe was fine at best. And unfortunately, I should have listened to that red light, because while Romulus has its merits, it disappoints in the most fundamental way, it doesn't work as a genre film. Alien: Romulus looks great, and I enjoyed the analog computers, the grey metals, the industrial atmosphere full of hissing pipes, likewise with unexpectedly good actors and interesting characters who behaved surprisingly smart. But that’s not enough when Álvarez can't build a scary atmosphere and his scares are dull and uninteresting. Part of the problem is that this is more a game of referencing and quoting old films, leaving little room for the new. As a result, it's a nice fanservice from someone who knows how it should look, sound and work, but he just can't quite put it together into a workable horror film. Álvarez may be a good producer with an interesting vision, but unfortunately he's not a good director or executor. (14/08/2024)