Machete

–Cuban? –Mexican. It’s such a shame that Rodriguez didn’t have the balls to shoot the whole of his Mexploitation flick as crudely as he filmed the über-muthafucka prologue... I found that regrettable until the scene with entrails. The film’s superficial refinement only draws attention away from the self-confident (and self-conscious, as evidenced by the involvement of the uncensored internet) contempt for common sense, good taste and every conceivable kind of political correctness. Machete is an exploitation movie for multiplexes, but that doesn’t mean that it would lack machetes, machine guns, boobs, gore, sexy nurses, a murderous nun, a one-eyed avenger, Steven Seagal, Tom Savini and a  pissed-off Mexican with a weed whacker. You can either accept this film in all its simplicity and bombast and enjoy the ruthless fun, or look for a more sophisticated view of the world. This time, I’m giving a strong four-start rating and posing a simple question: why always complicate things? 85% (18/11/2013)

A great B-movie exactly in the style that resonates with me. It’s action-packed, gritty, blood-soaked, and with an excellent main character. Great scenes that I can still vividly recall in my mind. It's a bit of a shame that Rodriguez doesn’t occasionally dismiss the digital effects and instead opts for the old-school path of practical effects. It would fit quite well with a B-movie, even though it's a modern B-movie. But otherwise, I had a great time with it. (26/02/2014)

The star of Machete is neither Danny Trejo – Machete nor even Danny Trejo – Gardener. I acknowledge that this guy has cult status as an acting legend of one particular subgenre, but that doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t know how to act. He only knows how to grimace. The true stars of Machete are the numerous and superbly cast villains, among whom any viewer can find the right “badass motherfucker” of their choice. For me it was Don Johnson hiding behind a pair of huge sunglasses. I also liked Steven Seagal, who truly relished his part. 2010 seems to be the year of good old (or obsolete) action heroes. Robert Rodriguez conceived Machete in an orgasm-inducing epic fashion and you’ll probably remember more scenes from this than from Planet Terror. But it lacks dialogue gems with cult potential, as well as the presence of another nutjob character with the face of the great Mr. Q. T.. (01/10/2010)

So, that little grindhouse flick that was shadowed by Stallone’s The Expendables turned out to be something completely outrageous that knows no limits. A perfect dose of trash and self-awareness. Trejo! Seagal! Alba! De Niro! Fahey! Lohan! Rodriguez! Rodriguez! While The Expendables fool around… (27/09/2010)

A crazy barrage of cringe-worthy situations and such clichéd and bad jokes that, in the end, it actually worked and slowly became a cult classic, at least for me. It’s abundantly clear who Robert Rodriguez's spiritual father is, as Tarantino’s unmistakable style is immediately recognizable. The film is teeming with one famous name after another, so everyone gets their moment. Danny Trejo doesn’t say much; instead, his beloved machete speaks for him. Such a plethora of truly original ideas is rarely seen, whether it’s using intestines instead of ropes or mounting a rotating machine gun on a souped-up motorcycle. Like, seriously, this isn’t a normal, everyday thing. The story can be considered absolutely ridiculous, but that’s exactly the point. It’s hard to say what makes this film stand out so much. The very concept of a machete-wielding killer sounds outlandish, but the execution turned it into a brilliant piece. Add to that the beautiful Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez, who balance out the brutal male violence, and you’ve got a perfectly balanced hit. I give it 84%, and I might add more over time. Now I’m gearing up to watch the second installment. (17/08/2018)