Machete

With similarly tuned retro images, it is difficult to find a reasonable line between piety, parody and seriousness, if I paraphrase the words of one of the protagonists: Machete didn't cross the line, the line crossed Machete. This film is the most entertaining and dullest spectacle I can imagine in the genre. If I’d had it on VHS in the 1980s, I’d undoubtedly have long hair, a black mustache and a sharpened machete. And a girl with one eye. [85%] (10/09/2010)

Typical Rodriguez: self-absorbed, wallowing in unnecessary perversions at the expense of a better developed story and the characters themselves, who under his baton are nothing but necessary figures without a sense of humour and exaggeration. And neither Danny Trejo's rugged expression, who is only in the film anyway because of his sharp machetes, nor Robert De Niro's villain, who is at least a pleasant refresher in Rodriguez's absurd world without boundaries, can change things. But it can’t be denied that the film is brutal action entertainment, very funny at times and that Jessica Alba's sexy backside is worth more than a dude hanging by his guts. If it was made by Tarantino, he would certainly have brought the necessary mafia touch to the story and steered it on the right action track, and Machete may have been an unattainable genre gem. As it is, however, it's just a shabbier little brother to Stallone's more stylish and straightforward The Expendables. (03/09/2012)

Great B-movie of the exact type that I enjoy. Action-packed, rough, crazy, and with an excellent main character. Great scenes that I can still recall in my mind. It's a shame that Rodriguez sometimes ignores digital tricks and prefers to go the traditional route of classic tricks. It would fit the B-movie quite well, even though it's a modern B-movie. Other than that, I had a great time. (26/02/2014)

One question: Why isn't Tarantino in Machete? Now to the film. If I have to compare it to Planet Terror, Rodriguez's first grindhouse is better. Unfortunately, there is nothing in Machete that I didn't expect. Chopped off hands, gallons of blood, pretty to beautiful women and girls, their exposed breasts, the word "fuck" used so many times you can't even count them, jumping out of a window by your intestines... It's pleasantly wacky and crazy. But it's not original anymore, and it lacks juicy dialogue. Danny Trejo, of course, shoots, stabs, cuts with a machete and a wheedwhacker, Robert De Niro and Steven Seagal perform the same function as Bruce Willis in Planet Terror... But it's boring and not funny. (22/10/2010)

They should have stuck with the fake trailer. It serves up imaginative action and catchphrases in every other scene, but the whole thing is kind of... sterile. And boring at that. Lost among the geysers of stylishness is a plot that needed to draw us in more and give us more insight into the characters. I know, it’s all about a slightly different genre and intelligence rules, but even when you have one of the ugliest people running around between Hollywood and Mexico in the lead role, you expect the fun to be a little more serious, or conversely, a little crazier. Like Planet Terror. (29/09/2010)