Transformers: Dark of the Moon

I will divide Transformers 3 into three parts: 1) the dialogues, 2) the action set pieces (the motorway and the skyscraper), and 3) the remaining filler. Thumbs up for 2), but for 1) and 3) Bay deserves to have his ass kicked. Otherwise, I hope that this third part puts an end to this insult to science fiction (yeah, I know, I don’t have to watch it, but as a sci-fi fan, I was again unable to listen to the warnings that said: “Don’t watch this bullshit!”). (29/12/2011)

Dark of the Moon is another of the fantastic highway action flicks that are becoming the director’s most reliable trademark. The spectacularly flying marines, following the example of The Dark Knight’s flight in Hong Kong, and the final action inferno in Chicago are pure action pleasure. For a Bay movie, it is also unusually easy to follow. But the rest of the running time, i.e. at least half of the film, is humorless, boring and at times annoying like never before. John Malkovich’s character is horrible, and watching Frances McDormand and John Turturro making idiots of themselves goes beyond the limit of the audience’s endurance. And in which television mini-series did they find Patrick Dempsey and Rosie Huntington- Whiteley? Megan Fox, we miss you. I will probably burn in hell for giving the third Transformers the same number of stars as Trier’s Melancholia, but what can I do? Michael Bay is a talented commercial creator, sold out to the US military, US government and unscrupulous corporations, while embodying the glittering shine and the technical insurmountability of Hollywood possibilities. Take his camera away and we won’t have anyone to hate and admire at the same time. (30/06/2011)

What have I learned this time thanks to Hollywood? 1) There is no negotiating with enemies; enemies get shot. 2) If you have the screenplay for a sci-fi C-movie, not even a 200-million-dollar budget will help you. Leave a bit of that out and this would be so bad that it’s actually entertaining. That’s a shame. The less polished War of the Worlds now looks like the sci-fi action movie of the year. The positive: LaBeouf, some of the action scenes, Bay’s absurd fondness for shiny things costing hundreds of thousands of dollars. The negative: everything else. 55% (27/06/2011)

Bringing epic trilogies to a close is traditionally a thankless job. Michael Bay managed to bring Optimus, Bumblebee, and the other Autobots to the end of their journey in the weakest installment, but that's no disgrace after the mesmerizing first film and the fairy tale-mythological sequel. The third Transformers film is occasionally funny, occasionally not so much, occasionally frightening, but above all, so grandiose from about a third of the way through the running time that it almost tears apart all your senses. What unfolds in Chicago is an audiovisual experience that leaves the viewer stunned the whole way home. But what elevated the entire trilogy for me is mainly the fact that this story was never about the largest amount of scrapped metal. Yes, it will always be a battle between the Autobots and Decepticons, but many people forget that amidst all the adventure, a young boy became all grown up. The one who first rode in a yellow Camaro three films ago and as a result ultimately saved the world... three times. (12/07/2011)

Michael Bay is all about the effects, and honestly, I don’t mind that. Some of the action scenes in this movie must’ve been insane on the big screen. But outside of the action? It was absolute nonsense, almost unmatched in its ridiculousness. And the characters—everyone seemed to be acting like a complete idiot. I could tolerate it in the first movie, but this one was just wild. I love a good blockbuster, but Transformers just isn’t for me. (07/08/2012)