Baywatch

Testosterone and silicone packed and a pointlessly long showcase of boorish humour worthy only of the popular four letter swear word. I saw (or wished to see) great potential in it, but instead of the creators casually poking fun at the show's naive stupidity and showering us with catchphrases and cameos for an hour and a half, they oscillate for two hours on the surface of a dull detective plot and the most cringeworthy buddy comedy ever to hit theatres. If Johnson had been alive in the 1950s, he would have played at most the second henchman to the bad guy in an Ed Wood movie; today, his iconisation subordinates the entire narrative of a presumed hit that could have had such an all-encompassing parodic feel. Ironically, it's his few scenes with the heartthrob Efron that keep it afloat, at least on the level of episodic humour. This has failed miserably, with only the physical equipment of Alexandra Daddario asking for a much better hit – inaccessible of course. 40% (14/11/2017)

Sure, it's a terrible piece of crap, but I got exactly what I expected from this movie. It's sometimes ridiculously silly, sometimes ridiculously cool; there are great actors whom I like, beautiful women who made my jaw drop; there's the ability to make fun of oneself and the original series, and damn it, there's even Hasselhoff and Pamela. That's all I needed. (22/08/2017)

It really is THAT bad, which is a pity. If it turned out to be a toilet-humor comedy, as was suggested by the ludicrous stuck d*ck scene at the beginning, it could have been fun. But nothing works here, and given the two-hour runtime (and its creators’ increasing inability to keep at least one aspect of the movie together), you’ll suffer through it. Not even the cameos of David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson are used in any creative or funny way. And that’s just a few seconds of this thing! (18/06/2017)

I can endure a lot. I don't have any particularly nostalgic relationship with the original phenomenon Baywatch, and I always appreciate Priyanka Chopra as a villain. But this film doesn't make sense even in the series of the strange "comedies with Dwayne Johnson" subgenre. There is nothing more here than a bit of humor for tweens and completely botched cameos by David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson. (12/08/2023)

Nope, this didn’t turn out well. I didn’t experience the '90s when Baywatch was constantly on TV and became a bit of a phenomenon, but I figured a comedy for some summer lightheartedness would be nice. However, the new Baywatch didn’t quite convince me. It’s definitely not terrible on a grand scale, but there are many things I would personally improve. Regarding the cast, Dwayne Johnson didn’t fit well for me; he can act, but he needs a decent script and a suitable role. Neither was achieved here; I simply didn’t believe him in the role of Mitch. Among the other roles, only Efron stood out for me. There are a few genuinely great jokes, but for most of the runtime, the film bombards you with one cringeworthy gag after another, which undermines it. The biggest flaw of the film, in my opinion, is the action component. If the main antagonist had been more charismatic and if the explosive, adrenaline-pumped sequences were at least visually appealing, it might have been better. But for that kind of money, the effects were terrible (the digital fire was especially glaring). It really wasn't good, and not even Hasselhoff and Anderson’s cameos saved it. I give it 49%. (01/08/2018)